Becoming an Emotional Coach at Home

How many times do we remember our school years and those classmates we admired so much because they got always A’s, and it seemed that they did not spend much time studying, but they still did well in their exams? Yet, over the years when we would run into them or hear about them, their stars seemed to have gone out. On the other hand, we see others who never excelled in grades and yet they are successful.  I wonder what factors made this difference? Could it be that they have different talents, qualities or abilities that helped them achieve their goals? If so, what is the key to achieving success in life? Success in life varies according to what is important to each person. It does not have to be related to a social position or an executive-level position in a company. What each parent wants for their children is their happiness, and whatever they do represents their passion in life and allows them to be better human beings. What role do the IQ and the EQ play in life? Daniel Goleman, a pioneer in publishing articles on Emotional Intelligence, wrote in The Times in 2011: "There is no doubt that IQ, or intelligence coefficient, is by far the best determinant of professional success, in the sense of predicting what kind of work you can do. In general, a person needs an IQ of around 115 or more to handle the cognitive complexity faced by an accountant, a doctor or a senior executive. But here's the paradox: Once you're in a high-IQ position, the intellect loses its power to determine who will emerge as a productive employee or an effective leader. For that, the way you handle yourself and your relationships, in other words, the emotional intelligence skill set, is more important than your IQ. In a high-IQ task force, soft skills such as discipline, drive and empathy mark those that emerge as outstanding. "(1) link:http://ideas.time.com/2011/11/01/theyve-taken-emotional-intelligence-too-far/ When we think about the future of our children and the challenges they will face in their lives, the question arises for those who have small children: If I could do one thing for my child that would make a difference, both now and in the future, what would it be? For those who have children in high school, the question arises: How can I help them develop their maximum potential in the area they choose? Become a Coach at home For many parents, the challenge of becoming an "Emotion Coach" is to recognize its value; and to believe that Coaching would make a difference in influencing their children’s social and emotional skills. The Coaching process places your child's emotions front and center, whether they are 2 or 20 years old. Parents should teach their children to manage their feelings in a positive way so that they can eventually regulate their own behavior. As they mature emotionally, this helps them navigate social relationships, and maximize intellectual success and develop self-confidence. Where to start? It all comes down to the way you connect with your child and the “quality of your communication.” Emotional training operates not only through what parents say, but also through what they see in their parents: Emotional training is based on the following: a) Being mindful of the "MODELS OR PATTERNS" that parents themselves present as they manage their own emotions and feelings. For example, children learn to control their impulses in the way their parents do. And, b) By following the GROW MODEL. (2) GOAL: Become aware of your child´s emotions REALITY CHECK: Recognize and name the emotion OPTION: Set limits to manage the emotions. WILL: Teach ways to cope with emotion What does an Emotional Coach do to coach a Reality Check? (3)  Provide a framework based on emotional communication and empathy. Steps:

  1. Listen empathetically.
  2. Acknowledge emotions.
  3. Help to name them.
  4. Stay with affection.
  5. Focus.
  6. Respect and validate.
(1) They’ve Taken Emotional Intelligence Too Far. The author of Emotional Intelligence explains how this popular concept has been overused By Daniel Goleman Nov. 01, 2011 (2) Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child, The Heart of Parenting, by John Gottman and Joan Declaire (New York: Simon & Schuster Inc,1998) (3) Emotional Intelligence in Children by Korrey Kanoy,  (Massachusettes: AdamsMedia. 2013)

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